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Tag Archives: Funny

Why Martha's Husband Wanted A Divorce

He read her CT report …

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Repost: Let The Mayhem Begin

I rarely do re-posts, but each time the new round of residents shows up in their brand new lab coats, it makes me think of this story. Today I was grinning on the inside yet again. —– Medical studies prove it. Interns are more error prone during the first month of their first year in training. July 1 is the “changing of the guard,” so doctors and patients alike – be careful out there. In honor of the graduating students and the residents graduating to their new PGY year, below is my version of a MasterCard commercial for the best story I heard about a new resident on an OB service. First a bit of an explanation. When a woman is in labor, doctors will periodically do a gyne exam to determine how dilated the cervix has become. When the cervix is only 1 or 2 cm dilated (sometimes called “fingertip” dilated because all you can get in there is a fingertip), delivery usually isn’t imminent. As the cervix dilates, you can begin to feel the baby’s head (unless there is a breech presentation and you feel a foot or the baby’s buttocks). When the patient hits 8 or 9 cm, the patient usually starts feeling a need to push the baby out. Grab your catcher’s mitt, because the baby is coming. A little more information about cervical dilation in pregnancy is here. Getting back to the story … mind you that this story is hearsay, but it comes from a friend of mine who worked as a secretary on an OB floor, so I consider her a pretty reliable source. I also did an internet search to make sure that I’m not perpetuating some urban legend and I couldn’t find anything. So here goes: Medical school education: $240,000 Brand new white lab jacket with embroidered name: $37.50 Four pack of Red Bull to keep you up all night during your first call: $9.00 Obstetrical textbook to learn about the stages of labor: $219 Three one-minute cell phone calls to the chief resident to update him on the patient who is pushing but whose cervix remains “fingertip” dilated: $1.20 Spanish-English dictionary to find out why the patient keeps saying something sounding like “debo empujar” (”I have to push”) and keeps calling you “pendejo“: $16.95 Watching the OB nurse double check the patient’s cervix, flip out, and call for a STAT c-section because the patient’s cervix is fully dilated, the newborn is in a breech presentation, and you’ve been sticking your finger in the kid’s anus instead of the mom’s cervix for the past 30 minutes: priceless

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Health Care Political Cartoon

Can’t link directly to the cartoon, so am posting a low-res image below and you can go to cartoonist RJ Matson’s site to find the full-sized version. Both insightful and sad at the same time – and likely a reason that any government-run system will not be an improvement on the current system.

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WhiteCoat Challenge #4 – WINNERS

Just got the envelope from the judges for the winners in WhiteCoat Challenge #4. First, thanks to everyone for their submissions. The goal of this challenge was to show people how medicine can be fun and it paid off. These were all great. Winners are: 1. Ryan for the story about the patient with black testicles 19. HyperAI for his “athlete’s foot of the vagina” remark 23. Michael Garrett for the “high anal hernia” Honorable mentions get a free EP Monthly coffee cup and are 27. Kathy for the Hurricane Katrina comments (especially the “very close veins”) and 33. Roxanne for the chief complaint of “can’t breed” Please drop an e-mail to info@epmonthly.com to arrange to get your prizes. Thanks again to everyone for playing along.

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How To Make A Nurse Jump A Desk

I was actually being serious for a change. An elderly patient came in with abdominal pain. She was put on the cardiac monitor and we drew labs. Then I went in to examine her. I pressed on her stomach and she had a little pain. Didn’t feel any masses. Then I put my hand on her stomach and jiggled it a little. “Does that hurt?” I asked. All of a sudden, the monitor beeped then a tech and two nurses busted through the door panting. Each one had a look of shock that was more dramatic than the next. “Damn you, WhiteCoat!” They all yelled in unison. “What did I do?” “Very funny. Verrrrry funny. ‘What did I do?’ Hmmmph.” There was a collective sigh of relief as they walked out of the room. I shrugged my shoulders and finished my physical exam. When I walked out of the room, they threw an EKG strip at me and then mimicked me “What did IIII do?” Have to admit, shaking the patient’s abdomen to check for rebound tenderness did make the middle of the strip kind of look like this or even this. But I really didn’t mean to do it … this time.

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So True …

Reading through EM Resident – the official publication of the Emergency Medicine Resident’s Association and came across the comic below. Got a good chuckle since just yesterday I had a patient who wouldn’t take off his sunglasses when I was getting a history or when I tried to examine him. Asked him if he would mind and he said “yes”. Like he’s Geordi La Forge or something. I stepped out of the room, got a face mask, and came back in wearing a mask to finish doing his exam – just for the heck of it. Plus … the comic describes the “Next Gen ED Doc”. Not ER Doc, ED Doc. Our numbers are growing. Resistance is futile.

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