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Tag Archives: Funny

Apropos

ERP here from Erstories. Blanked out Letters are sometime appropriate. According to the NY times, people were greeted with the above sign when they went to the Elmhurst Emergency Room in Queens, NY.

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I Think you are in the Doghouse

OK Ladies, how would you feel in this scenario? Suppose you were standing in an examining room with your husband, fully clothed, waiting for the ER doctor to come in and examine you for a slightly embarrassing problem. Suddenly, your husband, who is getting frustrated with waiting, opens the door and grabs the nearest doctor who is walking by. Leading him into the room, without any chance for an introduction or for you to change into a gown, your husband takes hold of your pants, and apparently not caring that you are not wearing any underwear, yanks them down to your ankles while asking the startled doctor “What do you think this rash is?!?!?!” I bet he is sleeping on the sofa for at least a few days.

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A Classic Dr So-and-So Patient

ERP from ERstories.net  here again today and tomorrow… You know, WC needs a weekend off now and then….. Why is it that certain doctors (usually primary care) attract a certain subset of patients? Our community is very heterogenous but I still find that several MD’s have tapped into certain subpopulations whether intentionally or unintentionally. Often, I find myself guessing (usually correctly) about who a patient’s doctor is before asking them. Clues like the med list, the last name, the insurance (or lack of it) they have, and PMH all give clues. I chuckle to myself when I ask them who the MD is and find I am correct. For example: One doc seems to have about 90% of all the living Holocaust survivors in the US as his patients. (and he was not one himself) – usually on BP meds and Coumadin for Afib. Another guy seems to have only patients with chronic pain, nebulous psychiatric diagnoses, and poorly controlled hypertension and diabetes. They often have Medicaid (which is honourable of him). However, even those with private insurance tend to be extremely challenging to deal with. Most are on Oxycontin, Wellbutrin, benzos, and Metformin. One group sees only super rich entitled people who never have serious emergencies. However they often seem to have diagnoses of fibromyalgia and IBS way above the national prevalence. Hmmmm. Usually on Cymbalta, Xanax and something for chronic diarrhea. One guy sees 90% patients from South America with no insurance – but they all have money and pay him cash. Often on random drugs they purchased on their last trip to Columbia. One woman has a large non-English speaking, Russian population. They always seem to have some major issue going on. Often on no meds despite the acute MI they are having. Another guy who is Asian seems to have all the really sick Koreans and Chinese in the area. Usually they are on dialysis and have a med list a mile long. Another Asian doctor seems to only have the healthy ones. They tend to be on ziltch. Of course none of this really matters since they ALL eventually become my patients! But thankfully they don’t REMAIN my patients until their next visit when I am on!

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Be Careful What You Wish For

Ever hear the story about the man who caught a leprechaun and then wished his woo hoo was so long it would touch the ground? The leprechaun didn’t like him very much, so he shrunk the man’s woo hoo and made both the man’s legs fall off. Just like Mr. No-legs, a new tech in our ED should have been more careful about what he wished for. The tech was eager and wanted to see some action that night. Apparently he was aware of the Candyman Phenomenon, so he kept saying “I want to run a code tonight. I really want to run a code tonight.” He got to five requests in about the first half hour. Then he tempted fate and kept saying it. “I really want a code to come in.” We told him to stop it, but he persisted. Wouldn’t you know it. A gentleman got brought in by ambulance after having a syncopal event at home. He was semi-conscious and confused. His vital signs were stable in the field, but he looked out of it as the paramedics wheeled him into the room. The nurse followed them into the room, pulled the curtains, and hooked the patient up to the monitor. Heart rate in the 40s. Blood pressure 120s systolic. The tech was entering the patient’s information onto the computer when the nurse walked out of the room and told him “Hey. You got your wish. There’s a code.” I looked up from the admission orders I was writing. The tech got an excited look in his eye and says “Really?” The nurse tossed him a washcloth and said “Yeah, really. Code Brown. Get wiping.”

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Why This Nursing Home Has A Waiting List

An ad for nurses seen in a newspaper by one of our nurses … For those of you not in the health care field, the ad should read “PRN” which is Latin for “pro re nata” and intended to mean “as needed” in the ad.

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Another forwarded e-mail

But wait! It doesn’t have to do with politics! And I researched it first! There is no year of the “Chicken”. 2007 was the Year of the Pig. 2008 was the Year of the Rat. 2009 was the Year of the Ox. 2010 is the Year of the Tiger. Avian influenza hit Asia in 2003 and was hardly devastating – there were only 55 cases worldwide in 2007. Equine influenza hit in 2007, not 2008. Keeping all the above in mind, (’cause I don’t want to uncritically disseminate half-true stuff) I opened the e-mail below. Don’t know if this is just a sick coincidence ,  but…. 2007 – Chinese year of the Chicken – Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 2008 – Chinese year of the Horse – Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 2009 – Chinese year of the Pig – Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of people around the globe. It gets worse next year…   2010 – Chinese year of the Cock – what could possibly go wrong Got a chuckle out of me until my 11 year old daughter, who had been quietly reading over my shoulder, startled me by asking “Dad, what’s a cock?” “Ummm. It’s a bird, honey. A rooster. You know – like cock a doodle doo?” “So I don’t get the joke, then.” “Good.”

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