Home / Tag Archives: Funny (page 3)

Tag Archives: Funny

APB

Over the police/EMS scanner in the ED we hear the following 911 call: “I need an available unit to respond to 359 Main Street … 359 Main Street … for a report of a black and white raccoon that won’t come out from beneath a bed.” I thought the same thing that you’re thinking. Black and white raccoon? Ummmm … does it happen to have really bad smelling farts? We didn’t hear any more chatter over the scanner about the incident, so we were left wondering. Then a police sergeant happened to come to the ED later that night to take a report from a battery victim and we asked the sergeant about the call. None of the officers on duty wanted to go on the call because they were thinking the same thing everyone else was thinking, and no one wanted to get sprayed in the face or have to Taser a skunk. Eventually one of them went to the scene and cautiously looked under the bed with his flashlight. The “raccoon” ended up being an old blanket. The person making the call was a little old lady in her 70’s. After the officer pulled the blanket from under the bed, she kept telling the officer “I’m not crazy, you know. I’m not crazy.” Sorry, ma’am, but when you have to make that statement more than once, it creates a rebuttable presumption that you are indeed crazy. Thinking that zebras and raccoons can mate and produce a viable offspring that hides under beds … well … um … you  all can be the judges.

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Bad Idea

A patient came into the hospital after being bitten several times on the hand by a squirrel. What caused the squirrel to bite her, you ask? Well it seems that the patient was in the park and saw the squirrel “limping.” So the patient scooped it up in her handbag and brought it home with her so that she could help the squirrel recuperate. After further examination, the patient apparently thought the squirrel had broken its leg, so she wanted to fix it. First, she gave the squirrel some Benadryl to sedate it. Never did figure out how she got the squirrel to drink the Benadryl. Maybe poured it into an acorn? Then she tried to make a splint out of Popsicle sticks to tape to the squirrel’s leg. The squirrel wanted no part of it. The feeling of popsicle sticks being taped to his leg woke him from his slumber and was not appealing to him, so he bit the patient several times on the hand. At that point, the woman dropped the squirrel and came to the emergency department. Said squirrel probably then limped to the fridge, got a beer and sat down to watch the Cubs lose again. Frankly, if someone doused my head in Benadryl and then tried to tape a couple of sticks to my legs, I’d bite her, too.

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Why Harriet's Hemorrhoids Weren't Getting Better

This order was found in her chart. Probably explains why the white paste in her mouth didn’t grow out fungus, either … . . . . . . . . . P.S. For those non-medical readers that don’t get it, Anusol is a suppository that is supposed to be inserted in the rectum. This order is for the patient to get the suppository in her mouth.

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Late Night Entertainment

Hey All, it’s ERP from ER stories doing a quick guest post. The myriad of ways that the staff entertains themselves late at night when there is a lull in the action is boundless. In fact, White Coat has blogged about this. There is the “Obituary Game” made famous on Nurse Jackie but widely known to have been stolen from Nurse K.  (reading the Obits and taking bets on who the deceased was and what the cause of death was based on their name) There was “Cane Ball” which we used to play in the ambulance bay in residency (basically stick ball using a cane and a ball of tape). Saline battles with pre-filled non-sterile flush syringes. (They squirt pretty damn far!) Recently, we had a sort of “What would it take” game between some docs and PA’s.  Of course it rapidly degenerated into a sexual theme.  Sort of “how much would it take for you to sleep with so and so?” or “Would you sleep with so and so, if….?”   Basically we found quite a variation in tolerances between us. It mostly revolved around a fairly revolting surgeon at our hospital who is both unattractive physically, lecherous and creepy, and grossly unethical. What we discovered was that the amount required by the women was a minimum of 500,000 dollars providing he wore a paper bag over  his head! A variation of this was “Would you Rather?” where you have to make a choice between two very unpleasant options – basically the lesser of two evils.  Some choices we were given: Would you rather fracture your penis or your femur? (I chose the femur) Would you rather get pancreatic cancer or glioblastoma? (I chose GBM) Would you rather get a chest tube or a DPL with no Lidocaine? (I chose the DPL) And of course the old classic, Would you rather be beautiful and stupid or brilliant and hideous?  Man, that’s a tough one! Anyone else have any good late night time-killing games?

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Murphy's Law of the ER

Hey, it’s ERP from ERstories.net doing a guest post. The other day during a shift I said to myself “Dang it, it’s Murphy’s Law again” when something went all FUBAR. That made me decide to compile a little list of how that law applies to my job. 1. The GYN cart will only be stocked with the extra large and “virgin” sized speculums when you have a normal-sized patient to examine. 2. The GYN speculum light will not work and you will need to have your chaperon use the odoscope. 3. You will have three or four pages out to various doctors for an hour and no one calls back. The moment one finally does, so do all the others. They get annoyed being on hold and hang up. 4. There is guaranteed to be an issue whenever a patient needs transcutaneous pacing. Of course everything worked fine on the practise, model patients, but the moment you need to use it, the thing does not sense or the wires are not compatible with the pads. 5. The IV is going to blow the moment you have to push Epi – even though it was working fine for an hour before hand. 6. The nurse you need for a patient is always on break. 7. The nurse tells you that the patient in room 15 is getting annoyed waiting for an hour with pelvic pain. When you finally go into the room, the patient is either in the bathroom, waiting room, or fully dressed in a wheelchair. 8 There is never a nursing home’s number on their transfer paperwork, making history taking on a demented, bedridden patient a true joy. 9.The SMA-7 on a critically ill patient is always haemolysed. 10. The rate of RN, tech, and unit secretary “sick” call-ins is directly related to the niceness of the weather outside. I am sure there are many more. Feel free to submit your own!

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WhiteCoat Challenge #6 – Odd Chief Complaints

I was going to just make a post about a weird chief complaint that a patient had recently, but then thought that we haven’t had a good WhiteCoat Challenge in a while. A middle aged female patient presented at the registration window demanding to be tested for “aluminum toxicity.” When she got back to the room, she stated that her genitals were inflamed and believed that it was caused by aluminum in the whisk that she uses in her kitchen. She called the manufacturer of the whisk and confirmed that the metal portion of it was indeed made from aluminum. The nurse didn’t really understand why the patient thought aluminum toxicity might be inflaming her genitals. So, to make small talk, the nurse asked the patient what she had been baking. The patient cast her a strange look. She wasn’t using the whisk for baking. She was using it for … um … how should I say … um … autoeroticism. So here’s the challenge … List the strangest/funniest chief complaint that you’ve had. Top three as judged by EP Monthly editors get a choice of any one product from EP Monthly’s online catalog. We’ll also try to publish as many of the top entries in an upcoming issue of EP Monthly’s print version – which is distributed to more than 25,000 emergency physicians around the country. Contest goes through midnight Monday, June 7, 2010. Make us laugh.

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