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Interesting Emergency Department Complaints

Confused Monkey

Here are a few of the more memorable recent emergency department complaints.

  • My mother has had early onset dementia for 40 years. We need to see what’s wrong before the end of the year. Patient arrived December 30.
  • Hangnail on the finger for month. She pulled it off today at work and had to leave work because she saw blood. It was her typing hand.
  • A patient was playing with her dog earlier in the day. She was laying on the ground and the dog jumped on her stomach. She has had severe back pain since this occurred and is out of pain medications. The dog was a chihuahua.
  • Child was in the emergency department 2 days ago and diagnosed with a cold. Mother brought 4 other children in to be checked to see if they have colds.
  • Constipation for 4 days. Had a bowel movement the day before he came to the emergency department, but didn’t have a ride to get to the hospital until now. Wants to know why he was constipated.
  • Patient has had a BB lodged in his elbow for several years. Wants it taken out. “I just got that Obamacare insurance.”
  • House was cold last night. Got chills. Wants to be checked.
  • Lips are dry.

I’m guessing that the responses to some of these complaints would be amusing as well ….


  1. 1. Woke up after meth bender with a new tattoo. Wants emergency removal of it before getting married in 3 days.

    2. Angry Patient brought in a dog that was clearly dead. Wanted us to ‘open him up’ to get the dilaudid tablets the dog had swallowed (and likely killed it).

  2. Yikes…I’ve heard some interesting ones during my time in the Army…especially when folks came back from the field. The best one: Doc, I haven’t had a shower in days and it must have given me an infection in my privates…Ahem. The PA brought me the slide with gloved hands of the “dripping.” He set it down on my scope, removed the gloves and said, “Smoke(my nickname)…there’s not a doubt in my mind that THIS GUY has the (in fiesta style he motions with his hands CLAP!!” It was my pleasure to administer the Penicillin shot… nice and cold!!!

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