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How to Assure Your Norco Prescription Isn't Filled

1. Go to your primary care physician’s office and refuse to take a random drug test when you entered into a contract to do so in order to get your pain medications refilled.
2. When the doctor threatens to terminate you from his practice, go into the bathroom, urinate in a cup, and then throw the cup all over the bathroom and hallway.
3. Run out of the office before the police get there.
4. Come back to the office after the police arrive go up to the desk, point at the secretary and yell at her that you “know where she lives.”
5. Get a ticket for trespassing.
6. Go to the emergency department in the same town immediately afterwards and say that your family doctor wouldn’t give you your pain medications because he “got too friendly” and you refused to sleep with him.
7. When the ED staff checks the state database and discovers that you filled a month’s worth of Norco two weeks ago, deny it and say that your doctor just put that information on the database to spite you for not sleeping with him.
8. Dare the staff to confirm your story by calling your family doctor and asking him about the whole incident.
9. When the emergency physician does call to check your story and confronts you with what happened, say that the emergency physician must be a “faggot” too and push him out of the way before he “gets hurt.”
10. Go to the emergency department in the next town over and repeat your story.

13 comments

  1. Sounds effective. I am lazy so would probably not utilize all ten steps.

  2. You just described half the patients I see on any given day.

  3. Welcome to my world.

  4. Wow.

    I’m sorry you guys have to put up with all this. Too bad there isn’t some place you can just stick these people and keep them drugged out as they want to be. But I don’t suppose that would be considered “humane”.

    Whenever I am given a narcotic for pain, my dilemma is trying to figure out how to dispose of the 29 out of 30 pills they gave me, the stuff just gives me a terrible headache.

  5. did he pay his copay?

  6. I don’t believe a word of this post. Liar.

    I once had a patient tell me she got raped and the rapist stole all her narcotics. Okay, I’ll call the sexual assault nurse. “Oh, I don’t need a rape exam. I just want the Percocets.”

    Okay, did you file a report with the police? No.

    Whatever.

  7. One of my friends walked into a room with a young lady wearing a gown. She told him that if he didn’t give her a script for 100 vicodin, she’d claim he tried to rape her. He told her No, she ripped her gown, grabbed her clothes and ran screaming thru the waiting room that she was being raped.
    Yeah, it happens.

  8. Sounds like somebody needs an all expense paid stay in the Greybar Motel.

  9. Sounds like poor impulse control coupled with some sociopathic tendencies. Just to give it a medical label rather than “scum”.

    Oh, and some missing IQ points, too.

  10. I echo Patrick’s reply. Needs to do some time.

  11. Wow! He actually got a ticket for trespass? Our police would likely not even respond for such a “non-essential” call. They are too busy giving speeding tickets on the street running next to our office in order to enhance revenue for the city.

  12. Repeat after me: I LOVE MY JOB I LOVE MY JOB I LOVE MY JOB….

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