This week has been hectic. Today capped it off.
The emergency departments have been consistently overcrowded. We’re running at more than capacity lately. Patients are calling all the different emergency departments in the area to inquire about the shortest wait times. Some patients have even told me that they set their alarms for 3AM to wake up and come to the ED to avoid the wait. Still doesn’t work. The wait may be shorter, but there’s still a wait. And we haven’t even hit flu season yet. I’m worried what things are going to look like when that happens.
One of the consultants on staff at our hospital is a jerk. I’m officially fed up with him and his attitude. He treats our secretaries and nurses like crap (which I didn’t know up until recently). I called him about one of his patients in the middle of the night. I’ve been practicing a while – longer than Craftsman the Consultant (see explanation below) – and had never seen a presentation quite like what the patient had. I described what was present on physical exam, labs, and x-ray, then gave him an idea of what I was thinking. He wigs out.
“All you’re giving me is symptoms and physical findings. What do you want me to do about it?”
“First, I also gave you x-ray and lab finds as well. Second, I’m looking for your help trying to figure this out.”
“Well you have to admit you gave me a pretty piss-poor reading of the x-ray”
“I’m not admitting anything. You want me to text you a picture of it so you can do a better job?”
“No. That’s not the point! You’re supposed to be a doctor and you need to make a decision!”
“Fine, I’ve decided that you need to come in and see the patient. Now.”
“Who is your boss? Because I’m going to call him RIGHT NOW with this bullshit. You hear me?”
“Don’t worry, you can talk to him when you’re explaining your attitude at the next Medical Executive Committee Meeting. I’m writing all of this conversation in the medical record and then forwarding a copy to the chair of your department and the MEC tomorrow morning.”
“Whoa. Wait a minute. We’re obviously both a little upset. Now let’s figure this out.”
“No, you’re upset and you’re coming in to see the patient so you can figure this out.”
“I’m NOT coming in to see the patient. You can have her see me in the office in two days.”
“Unacceptable. If you don’t come in to see the patient, then I’m admitting her and noting in the chart that it was because you wouldn’t come in at my request. Then you’ll get consulted on her for the morning.”
“You do what you have to do.”
“Don’t worry. I will. Have a nice evening.”
The thing is, after the phone call, about four people magically appeared from around the corner and started high-fiving me.
“That was great! Someone finally put him in his place.”
“What a dick. It’s about time someone gave it back to him.”
Only then did I hear about how miserable he’s been to other staff. So we decided to name him Craftsman – because he isn’t just a tool, he’s a power tool.
Today pissed me off.
I had planned to write several posts today, but it didn’t happen. First, Daughter WhiteCoat’s car wouldn’t start. When it did, it made some horrible grinding noise that sounded like the transmission is going bad. This is just after Mrs. WhiteCoat’s car needed $2000 in work (including new tires). So she takes my car to school and I take her car to the mechanic. Can’t wait to see how much this will cost.
Then I come home and try to print out some papers for my other job. The computer doesn’t recognize the printer. I have to spend 45 minutes reinstalling drivers and re-configuring everything. Finally I get the printer to work and on the third page of a 50 page document, the toner runs out. I have more in the basement … except that I have every color beside black. So I have to wait for Mrs. WhiteCoat to get home so I can use her truck to go to the store and buy more toner. In the meantime, I decide to do some laundry. So I put all the clothes that have been sitting in the washer for three days (since the last time I was home) into the dryer. I push the start button and … the dryer won’t start. Instead, there’s a light flashing saying “Check dryer vent.” Son of a BEEEYOTCH! So I look at the dryer vent and there’s a bunch of lint stuck way down out of reach. Being the resourceful person I am, I get the vacuum and put on the thin hose attachment to suck out the lint. Unfortunately, the vacuum has almost no suction. You have GOT to be kidding me.
I pulled apart the vacuum and there’s so much dirt stuck in all of the ports that there’s no place for the air to go. I spend another 30 minutes cleaning out the vacuum and cutting all of the hair off of the roller so the damn thing actually works. I go back to the dryer and vacuum out the lint, then find that the reason the lint is backed up is because there is some white sediment blocking the vent holes. WTF?!? The vacuum won’t remove the sediment, so I bend a hanger and try to loosen the sediment with the end of the hanger. Doesn’t work. So I have to take apart the whole goddamn dryer to chisel this sediment out of the vent. That took another hour. After I put everything back together, it is working fine. Then Mrs. WhiteCoat came home and said that she has been putting baking soda in the dryer with every load because she read on the Arm & Hammer web site that baking soda helped remove odors from the clothes. First, our clothes don’t stink. That’s why we spend all the money on those fru fru DRYER SHEETS. Second, fuck Arm & Hammer for writing that crap on their web site. Then I looked it up and the site says to put baking soda in the wash, not the dryer. So Mrs. WhiteCoat can’t read. That’s OK. Fuck Arm & Hammer anyway. Make your baking soda more dissolvable or some damn thing so it doesn’t get stuck in my dryer.
But my day isn’t over yet. Mrs. WhiteCoat then turns on her computer and gets the “Blue Screen of Death.” Tried restarting it and booting it into safe mode. Nothing worked. Then kids come home from school and everyone is pissed because they can’t watch their stupid cat videos on fucking FecesBook. We have a room full of books, they all have iPads, there are 3 TV sets and a Santa Claus fucking brand new X-box in the basement, but now it’s essential to have a computer because everyone is missing their hilarious cat videos. Here’s an idea: Watch Ridiculousness. Better yet, I’ll record video of all the bizarre crap that is going on in this house right now and post it online so you can laugh at yourselves because this day is officially pissing me OFF!
So I have a computer downstairs that I bring upstairs and I’m now reinstalling everything onto that one. Oh, but wait. I can’t get it to connect to the internet because I don’t know the exact model of the computer and don’t have the LAN drivers. Now I need to go to the manufacturer’s web site and download random LAN drivers until I find one that works. This is when I bust out the bottle of tequila. When I’m done setting up the new computer I’m going to beat the hell out of the old one with a goddamn sledgehammer, just on principle. Maybe I’ll tape that and post it. Bwaaaahahahaha. It will be a riot.
With the way my luck is running today, because everything I touch today seems to break, I’m drinking my tequila out of a plastic cup tonight and I’m squatting to pee until the morning.