“Help me … please. My head … it’s killing me.”
He is brought straight back to a room and the doctor is called right in to see him.
Between moans, the doctor gets the history.
“I was fine before the fight. Then my baby’s momma came to my house with her boyfriend. She was nice at first, then she started arguing with me. Then he got all tough and tried to get all in my face. Then out of the blue, she grabs a bowl off the counter and hits me over the head with it.”
“Wow. Did you pass out?”
“No. But I was damn close.”
“Did the bowl break?”
“No, it wasn’t open.”
“What do you mean it wasn’t open? What kind of bowl was it?”
“One of those Ramen Noodle bowls.”
“Wait. You mean one of those little plastic bowls with the peel off paper on the top?”
“Yeah. But that sh*t HURTS!”
“Did you get hit with anything else?”
“No. She just slammed me in the head with the Ramen Noodle bowl then they took off running. I think I may have a concussion.”
“Pardon me a minute.”
The doc walks out into the nurse’s station shaking his head. He regains his composure and walks back into the room.
“Well, after examining you, there are no signs of bleeding inside your brain and no concussion. We’ll give you some Tylenol … number three … here and then give you a prescription for a couple of days of Dolobid (pronounced “Da-LAW-bid”). You can follow up with your family physician if you’re not feeling better.”
With that, the patient was given three Tylenol tablets, given a prescription for Dolobid, and discharged in stable condition.
A couple of hours later, the patient calls the emergency department.
“Man, that wasn’t no Dilaudid. That was crap. Can’t y’all just call me in some Oxycontins to last me through the night?”
“No. We can’t call Oxycontin into a pharmacy. Try some ice and the Dolobid. You should feel better tomorrow.”
So the nurse who took care of the patient overheard the conversation and made a suggestion.
“I know something you can call in that would probably help more than pain medications.”
“Harrr harrr. That’s scheduled, too, you know.”
“A football helmet?”
“Nonprescription. Not carried in drug stores. Don’t you have patients to see?”
“Some plastic bags to store the Ramen Noodles in?”
“Stop. I’m getting a concussion.”
This and all posts about patients may be fictional, may be my experiences, may be submitted by readers for publication here, or may be any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. If you would like to have a patient story published on Dr.WhiteCoat.com, please e-mail me.